Out of Depression to Anger and beyond

I seem to be coming out of the fog. I understood the anger that created 9/11 and so it was just more hate we had spread around the world coming back to us.

But what really knocked me back was the financial collapse. Did I loose money? No. Did I loose my job, no. it just made future jobs harder to acquire. So why was I affected so much. Financially not so much, emotionally floored. It was as if a friend (these were people who we're suppose to trust) had played a cruel practical joke and when you went to ask why, it was said you were the stupid one.

When trust is broken it never comes back, never fully anyway. So now I am angry and yet as I see the fear and hate being spread, I realize that is not the way to go. So what then?

I am not sure. I am just beginning to see how I can't let other peoples view of how I should be in the world tell me how to be. So much of what we have been told is a lie.

No matter what anyone does, it is because they want to be happy. I am not sure how this financial action that was taken made these people happier, however I do know their happiness will not last because they are looking for it, outside themselves.

Seeing Who I really Am

We so many times see ourselves through the eyes of others. We let thier perspective of who we are define our perspective.

As I learn (again) that it REALLY does not matter what others think or say about who we are, unless we allow ourselves to believe it. That is why when we speak of others we need to realize our words have power in how others are precieved. Speaking only aspects of positiveness makes life better for all.

Remember how you felt when others spoke of you negitivly and how that effected the preception of yourself. We do not know how we will effect others.

Also remember you get to chose how you are effected by what others do or say.
If something makes you feels bad, see how you can change those feelings to make it feel good. We are the only ones responsible for how we feel. Our feelings are telling us if we are connecting with our true self.

I am learning how to allow myself to be in the flow. As a child I thought that life is meant to be fun. As I grew older people told me I had to be serious and It wasn't supposed to be fun. They LIED,but they didn't know that is what they were doing.

Have fun and enjoy the ride. We made it all up anyway.

More Changes

It is still me messing with my own life. The money thing has always been a problem and I am working on getting a new mindset. It seems I have a great deal of conflict with just how I want to make money. I find this much more important than making money and this takes me to the edge, which is where I am now.
I do not believe in the adage " Do whatever it takes " that was the theme of wall st and we see where that got us. So where do I go from here? How do I not be conflicted over how th world is and how I want to be.
Anyway that is how it goes and here I am, still searching.

Thank You Universe/ I forgive myself

I have been slightly unemployed and by this I mean that I have some work. However not enough to pay all my bills on time.

So as they say I put it out in the universe. And the universe answered, with various forms of work. So it does work.

Now I have to really understand what I want and here is the kicker. Not be afraid of getting my needs met. I think so many times we say we want something, then those thoughts appear (you know the ones). Those what ifs'; what if I a not good enough, what if I can't handle the work, what if I am too old. Whatever you fears are this is what is holding us back. Not the universe.

So I suppose I have fear of getting what I really want. If this all sounds really confusing it is because I am confused. There I said it, now to get unconfused.

The fact is our thoughts aren't always true, being as according to scientists we have 60,thousand thoughts a day and that i nly during the waking hours. So they an't all be right.

Dark Humor Is Funny

I love when life is just so obvious and yet we don't see it. Like absolutely now. I am so not in the mood to write and yet here I am boring myself so I can post this on my BLOG. I have nothing to say, but then nobody is reading this except me.

This started out as a piece on humor and it is so not funny. So rather than bore any poor unsuspecting sole who might stumble onto this, I will stop.

Out of Work and Very Happy

So it was Christmas and I got fired. It was a part time job and which I didn't enjoy. So I guess I kinda fired myself.
So I am out looking for work. Or am I? I really don't want just a "job-job", you know the kind I mean. You there, you do the work however it doesn't mean much to you.
So I am taking a chance and looking for jobs that I like, whether I am qualified or not. I have just decided to believe in myself.

I will let you know how it goes.

Focus Focus Focus

A couple of months ago my tv decided to loose most of it's color. So most of the picture was blue with occasional flashes of color. It was like watching a acid trip through a Smurfs (blue cartoon caracters from the 80's) eyes. I personally had no problem with it.

Although it did motivate me to get rid of my cable ( best thing I ever did) as I profess to want to write more and am easily distracted. My freind calls it dog ADHD.

Anyway I was loaned a small color TV. I think is from the 70's has about a 9" screen and doesn't use a remote. It is so cute, I love it.

So the point of this whole thing was focus or lack there of. Yes in todays' world life has lots of distractions. So sometimes you have to just say NO. Multitasking is BS thought up by some cocaine addicted corporate entity in order to hire one person to do the job of three. Clever yes, good no.

So if you can slow down and just " Be Here Now" as has been said. There is only power in the now.
Get up early in the morning and just sit and listen to morning, you will be suprised what you learn about yourself. Life is very amazing. Maybe if we would spend more time being amazed at life and less time trying to rush through it, we could just enjoy and not try to destroy.

The next time you are multitasking your life away, maybe you might want to allow a bit of child like Amazing to slow thing down.

Just one person leearning as I go.